but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
