Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So vagazzling was a success
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
