if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
