True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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