I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
