just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
