woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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