ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
