My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
