3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
