Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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