i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
