Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
