Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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