I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
