we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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