My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
