Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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