U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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