I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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