I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
