Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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