That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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