How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This is the high leading the old right now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize