the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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