I want to have your abortion
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize