His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
