I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
