How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
