and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
