Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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