I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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