I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
