I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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