did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
