Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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