So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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