You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
