Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
