They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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