My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
