fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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