I looked at my own cervix.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
