Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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