Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
