dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
