So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
