hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
