You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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