i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
