We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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