Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
