I just made out with a guy for $7.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
