she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
