i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
