were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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