If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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