can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
