come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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