Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
